Vanessa Lewis

Being a counsellor and life coaching is just part of my skills. Throughout my journey as a therapist, I have collected a number of techniques and gained the knowledge that seems to help parents of children of all ages.  That's right.. all ages.  Some parents seem to think that it's just the early years you need to focus on.  I know better... the teenagers through to the young adults will provide just as much challenges.

But a little bit more about me.  Starting out at the early age of 19 I was a single mother with a highly active, head strong little boy (later diagnosed with ADHD) who taught me that my parenting approach (that was modeled on my parents being the authoritarian style), just wasn't working. My son reacted by fighting back in a desperate bid to be right and heard.  The louder I yelled, the louder he responded and the quicker we disolved into fighting and no one was the winner.  I tried rewards, counting (on three meant punishment), time outs and anything else I could to get control of him, to no avail.

Luckily, I'm a reflective person and I'm persistent and good at problem solving.  Through trial and error and facing many challenges along the way including 

• starting a new relationship where neither son or partner really cared for each other 
• moving house and schools which caused major problems for my son
• getting married to the man that my son rejected
• school disasters (with her son acting out) and 
• having another surprise pregnacy 10 years after my son (my lovely daughter) 

I had plenty of experiences to refect on and learn what worked and what didn't.  My son, was my greatest teacher!  I eventually realised that he responded much better to a relationship built on respect, being real, being trustworthy and expressing my emotions and concerns calmly and negotiating win-win situations.  This worked better than any other parenting skill I read, learnt or came across.

My other break through came when I was studying counselling. I discovered the power of listening and was finally able to step out of the middle of the constant arguments between my son and husband.  Peace began to prevail in the household.

Of course, child number two had the benefit of all of this experience and knowledge and is currently cruising through high school.  

Other contributing factors included that I volunteered early in my study to work for Parentline ACT Inc. as a telephone counsellor and also did face to face counselling for parents.  From there I went onto becoming a family counsellor for families of adolescents for the YMCA.  For both organisations I also taught parenting classes based on Parent Effectiveness Training.  I also used Emotional Freedom Techniques to help parents release old thought patterns and damage caused by early childhood trauma.  My private practice has allowed me to expand on my skills further and since my passion is parenting, this a natural fit for me.

But enough about me...

Below is some more information about some of the knowledge and experience that I have learnt and integrated into my practice.  Please, read on if you're interested...

About Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

The history of meridian tapping began with Dr. George Goodheart, a leading chiropractor who found he could use acupuncture points beneficially for physical conditions by just "tapping" on them (no needles were needed!).

An Australian psychiatrist, John Diamond, M.D., then took this discovery a step further. He began using verbal affirmations as the patient was stimulating the acupuncture points. This was a major step forward as it introduced a psychological tool into the process. But still the treatment method lacked a cohesive "engine" to drive it forward with real effectiveness. That engine was supplied by Dr. Roger Callahan, an American psychologist specializing in anxiety disorders.

Dr. Callahan's contribution was immense and has been well documented. Through his interest in acupuncture and his awareness of the use of the value of tapping on acupoints, he made a key discovery upon which all later meridian tapping methods are based. Callahan found that if a person is focusing on a specific fear at the time they tap, that fear can be removed, often permanently. He developed his discovery into a complete system and concluded that there was a correct tapping sequence for every emotional issue, and that this could be determined for each individual through the use of muscle testing. He called these tapping sequences "algorithms" and his treatment became known as Thought Field Therapy, or TFT.

Dr. Callahan's work, although brilliant and groundbreaking, was however quite complex and difficult to master because different algorithms were required for each one of the numerous disorders studied. The next step was the creation of simplified versions of Callahan's technique. These were known as "single algorithm techniques" (i.e. they did not require diagnosis or muscle testing). Dr. Pat Carrington's early method, Accutap, was one of the very first single algorithm methods, predating EFT by about seven years and there may have been others who devised similar adaptations of Callahan's method. Then, in the 1990's, quite independently of any former single-algorithm methods, one of Roger Callahan's pupils, Gary Craig, unveiled a major development of the meridian tapping techniques which he called Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). Today his single algorithm method, EFT, is the lead tapping technique.   

Several therapeutic approaches have now been developed which are based on using EFT as the method of release.  One such method is Matrix Re-imprinting which allows for the easy retrieval and release of traumatic memories.  This is a significant steps as it has been determined that traumatic experiences create belief systems which can cause anxiety, depression, illness, pain in the body and create havoc in building the necessary trust required in relationships and families.  Using this method (Matrix Re-imprinting) can literally change a persons life both physically and mentally.

About PET and Dr. Thomas Gordon (1918 – 2002)

Widely recognized as a pioneer in teaching communication skills and conflict resolution methods to parents, teachers, youth, organization managers and employees, Dr. Thomas Gordon was the founder of Gordon Training International. His Gordon Model concepts are now known world-wide.

A licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Gordon received his B.A. from DePauw University, his M.A. from Ohio State University, and his Ph.D. from the University of Chicago, where he served on the faculty for five years. From 1942-1946 he served in the Army Air Force.

He was the author of nine books: Group-Centered Leadership, Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.), Leader Effectiveness Training (L.E.T.), Teacher Effectiveness Training (T.E.T.), Parent Effectiveness Training in Action, Discipline That Works, Sales Effectiveness Training (co-authored with Carl Zaiss), Making The Patient Your Partner (co-authored with W. Sterling Edwards, M.D.) and Good Relationships: What Makes Them, What Breaks Them (co-authored with Noel Burch). His books have been published in 28 languages and over 6 million copies have been sold worldwide.

In addition, Dr. Gordon contributed over 50 published articles on organizational leadership, communications, counseling, discipline, parenting, conflict resolution and democratic decision-making.

The Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) program, which he introduced in 1962, is widely recognized as the first skill-based training program for parents. It spawned the widespread parent training movement in the U.S. and it has been taught to over a million parents in 43 countries around the world.