SERIES: STRESS FREE SCHOOL - We don’t do homework - EVER.
Enjoying connection time when it’s most important!
And no, my child didn't "fall behind".
Hello lovely group members!
I'm back with another article about how we can support our children through school whilst remaining deeply connected to our Aware Parenting values and remembering my motto: We can be "in" the system, without being "of" it.
This week I want to talk about something that can quietly consume an enormous amount of family time and create so much unnecessary conflict...
Homework.
Perhaps you know the afternoon I mean, when you've picked up one child from school and another from day care, somebody is hungry, somebody needs to be at soccer at 5pm, dinner hasn't even been started and suddenly you remember there is reading, spelling, maths AND something waiting in “Google Classroom.”
Your child may or may not want to do it and, (if we’re really honest, you probably have a big no as well), yet somewhere inside you is that familiar voice saying, “But we have to.”
So you're chopping vegetables whilst calling out spelling words, asking one child for the fourth time to find their reading book and half-listening to another child trying to tell you what happened with their friend at lunchtime, while feeling increasingly frustrated that nobody seems to be cooperating and your spaciousness is getting lower and lower and soon the disconnection happens..
And then perhaps your child cries, gets angry or refuses to do it completely, and suddenly another voice appears...
What if they fall behind? What will their teacher think? Am I being irresponsible if I don't make them do it?
~ WE REMAINED BLISSFULLY UNAWARE FOR ALMOST AN ENTIRE YEAR ~
When my daughter was in Year 4, her teacher approached me during Term Four and told me he'd noticed she hadn't completed any homework that year.
I replied, Oh yes. That's because we don't do homework.
He explained that apparently there was an entire Google Classroom filled with reading logs, maths, English and spelling.
I had never even opened it. 😂
So I asked him the questions I actually cared about.
Is she behind in reading?
No. She was a great reader.
How is she doing in maths?
Really well.
She was learning, progressing and doing well at school, and that experience reinforced a question I think we're rarely invited to ask as parents:
So what exactly is homework adding to my child's life?
I gave this story in full on the podcast I did with Marion Rose on the Aware Parenting Podcast - you can listen to the full episode here - Supporting our children at school - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-116-supporting-children-at-school/id1455772681?i=1000584377710
~ WHAT IS IT COSTING YOUR FAMILY? ~
Through an Aware Parenting lens, I think there is another important piece here.
Our children have already spent around six hours at school navigating learning, friendships, instructions, expectations and all the feelings that naturally come with being in a system where they are so often the less powerful person.
When they finally come home, this can be their opportunity to reconnect with us, move their bodies, play, laugh, cry, rage, tell us about their day, follow their own interests or simply do absolutely nothing for a while.
If homework is turning those precious hours into another round of pressure, demands and conflict, I think we're invited to become curious about that.
If you have multiple children, this becomes even more significant because suddenly the small amount of family time available between school and bed is being divided between several lots of homework, dinner, activities, showers, lunchboxes and everything else family life asks of us.
So perhaps the question isn't simply, How do I get my child to do their homework?
Perhaps we can also ask:
What is this adding to my child's life, and what is it costing our family in connection?
(And then from a Marion Method perspective - Do we have a no for homework?)
~ MY FAVOURITE PHRASE AND THE SECRET QUESTION - “THAT’S NOT A FIT FOR OUR FAMILY & WHAT ARE MY OTHER OPTIONS?” ~
This has become one of my favourite questions to ask within school systems.
What are my other options?
We can ask the teacher how our child is actually progressing. We can ask whether there is a particular area where they would genuinely benefit from additional support, and then decide how and when we are willing to offer that support in a way that works for our individual child and family.
And sometimes, yes, we can say no.
Imagine what could fill that space instead.
Playing outside. Baking together. Reading because your child wants to. Attachment Play after a day of being the less powerful person. A long cry about what happened at lunchtime. Going to the beach. Sitting together over dinner.
Meeting everyone’s needs for connection!
Or perhaps everyone simply gets to be together.
~ THIS WEEK'S INVITATION ~
If homework has become a tense time in your home, before forcing or coercing your child to make it happen, I invite you to offer them the opportunity to have choice and autonomy in this situation and ask together:
What is this actually adding to my child's life, and what is it currently costing our family?
Then get curious.
Ask the teacher what your child actually needs. We can always look to meet everyone’s needs in every situation with Aware Parenting including the schools and the teachers :)
Ask what your other options are.
And remember that being in the system doesn't mean automatically saying yes to everything the system asks of your family.
If you'd love more support navigating school in a way that stays deeply connected to your child and your Aware Parenting values, this is exactly why I created Surviving School.
My hope is that we can help our children THRIVE in the system, rather than simply survive it.
I invite you to explore Surviving School here https://nicwilson.samcart.com/products/surviving-school
Sending you all so much love,
Nic xx
PS: Here are some other resources that might be a fit for you to support you further in the system!
The Anti-Bullying Blueprint course https://nicwilson.samcart.com/products/the-anti-bullying-blueprint
The Magic Note Spell Book - https://nicwilson.samcart.com/products/the-magic-spell-note-book/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/peacefulparenting/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/PeacefulParenting.com.au/